


Kitty Litter, and Other Cat-Related Things

by the_technicolor_whiscash



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Both literally and figuratively, Cat adoption, Cats, Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, Kittens, M/M, shopping for cat items
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 06:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18138398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_technicolor_whiscash/pseuds/the_technicolor_whiscash
Summary: Crowley walks into Aziraphale’s bookshop one day with a small kitten, and they decide to foster it. They find, however, that pet care is more complex than they initially imagined.





	Kitty Litter, and Other Cat-Related Things

**Author's Note:**

> I had no idea what I was doing with this all I know is I like cats and Aziraphale and Crowley are in love and that’s what’s in this fic

“Angel! Look what I found!” Crowley’s voice rang through the bookshop. 

“Just a minute, dear.” Aziraphale replied. He was currently organizing the books on one of the higher shelves, which required him to stand on a rather rickety ladder. 

“Make it quick! You’ve gotta see this.”

Aziraphale frowned. “Why can’t you just tell me what it is?”

“Because it’s something you should see. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Climbing down the ladder, Aziraphale followed the sounds of Crowley’s voice until he located the demon. The demon who was currently holding a tiny kitten. Aziraphale gasped. “Who’s this little one?”

“I found him hiding behind a dumpster near that coffee shop we like. I’ve seen him a couple of times before, but this is the first time I’ve been able to catch him. Speedy little bugger, he is.” Crowley held out the kitten. It fit in the palm of his hand, and was a tuxedo cat, black and white colored with the cutest little white paws. 

“Look at you. Aren’t you the sweetest thing?” Aziraphale said, scratching the kitten under the chin. “You look like you’re wearing little mittens.” The cat rubbed against his hand affectionately. “I wish we could keep him.”

“Why can’t we? There’s more than enough room in our respective places of living.”

“Yes, but I don’t think my bookshop is the safest place for a cat. And you’re not home enough to properly take care of a pet.”

“I take care of my plants just fine.”

“Plants don’t need to be fed every day.”

“Not every day, but they need to be fertilized.” Crowley ran his free hand along the kitten’s back. “And plants are picky. You can’t be too nice, or else they’ll get comfortable.”

“And you can’t be like that to a cat.” 

“I can’t believe in six thousand years neither of us have had a pet.” The cat climbed up Crowley’s arm and settled down onto his shoulder. 

“I had a goldfish once.” Aziraphale’s expression turned dark. “Once is the opportune word here.”

“Goodness, what happened to it?”

“Forgot to feed it.”

“You couldn’t’ve just miracled it back to life?”

“I could have. But that’s not the sign of a responsible pet owner, having to bring your pet back from the dead.” The cat meowed, and Aziraphale realized this was an argument he wasn’t going to be winning. “I suppose we could keep him here for a bit and foster him. Get him his shots and everything before we adopt him off to a more responsible pet owner.”

“Aww, thank you, angel.” Crowley said, throwing an arm around Aziraphale’s shoulders. The cat walked down Crowley’s arm and staked out a new spot in the crook of Aziraphale’s neck. “Look at us. Proper cat dads. I should get that on a license plate.”

“Absolutely do not do that. We are only temporary cat dads.” Secretly, Aziraphale was overjoyed. A cat would be the perfect addition to his bookshop, making it truly quaint. “And we don’t even have any cat paraphernalia yet.”

“We could just miracle up some.”

“But neither of us know what cats need.”

“Then what are you suggesting?”

“You know what I’m suggesting.”

Mock fear appeared on Crowley’s face. “Please don’t make me go. You know I hate big chain stores like that. With employees always so painfully cheery and ready to help. It makes my skin crawl.”

“You agreed to be a cat dad. Plus, you’re the only one out of the two of us who knows how to drive. I’m sorry, but it simply has to be done.”

And that was how an angel and a begrudging demon were now walking through a large, name-brand pet store, under the semi-ominous twinkling of fluorescent lights, with a cat in the front seat of a shopping cart. 

“I hate this place.” Crowley muttered, as they sought out the aisles labeled ‘CATS.’ 

“Yes, you’ve made your sentiments clear. Just think of it this way. After this, we can just miracle up whatever we need because we’ll know what it is we need.” 

An employee, wearing a blue vest with the pet store’s name on it and a tag reading “Jennifer” approached them, and in that painfully cheery voice, asked, “Can I help you two find something?”

Crowley opened his mouth to say no, but Aziraphale spoke first. “Yes, actually, we’re new cat owners-“

“Cat dads.” Crowley interjected.

“Fine, yes, cat dads, and frankly neither of us have any idea how to take care of one.”

“Alright, well, I’d be glad to help!” Jennifer said. “Down this aisle here is cat food, as well as down the back.” She waved in that direction. “Now, for a cat as young as this little guy, you’ll want a cat food made specifically for kittens. Once he reaches around one year old, you can switch him to an adult formula.”

Aziraphale looked wide-eyed at the vast array of cat foods. “And which brand do we choose?”

“It can vary depending on your cat’s dietary restrictions and if they have some sort of allergy, or if your cat has a medical condition. Does he have any allergies?”

“Gosh, I have no idea.”

“Well, in that case, I’d suggest this brand. If he has a negative reaction to it, then definitely stop feeding him it immediately and have a vet assess what the problem might be. Speaking of vets, does he have his shots?”

“No, actually, I was about to ask if you had any suggestions for vets in the area.”

“We can actually do all of that here, if you two would be willing to stay for a little longer. It usually takes about a half an hour.”

Crowley nodded. “If it saves us another trip, then let’s do it.”

“The vet might suggest bringing him in for some booster shots, too. Plus, you’ll probably want to get him neutered, so you’ll want to see a proper vet for that. I can give you a handout, if you’d like.”

“Yes, that would be great.” Aziraphale said. “Now, when should we feed him?”

“People usually feed their pets around their own schedule, like if you go to work at eight and get home at four, then you would feed them once before eight and once when you get home. Some people just leave food out for their cats at all times, but that’s not advised, as it can cause obesity.”

“Right, that’s not too hard.” Pulling a notebook out of his pocket, Aziraphale jotted down what Jennifer had said. “And what else will he need?”

“Well, you’ll need bowls, of course, one for food and one for water, and some toys. Kittens need enrichment, and if they don’t have toys they’ll take to playing with whatever they can get their paws on. You’ll probably also want a cat carrier, for when you’re taking him places. Also, you’ll need a litter box or two, preferably in a place that’s easy for him to access.”

Aziraphale had forgotten about that fact. “Ah. Right.”

“You’ll be able to find the rest of those items in the next couple of aisles. Do you have any more questions?”

“I don’t think so. Any questions, dear?” He asked Crowley. 

“Don’t think so. Thanks for the help, Jennifer.”

Jennifer smiled. “Sure thing! And when you’re ready to get him his shots, head over to that receptionist, and she’ll set you up with the paperwork. Have a great day!”

As soon as she was out of earshot, Crowley rolled his eyes. “I told you. Painfully cheery.”

“She was nice! And besides, now we know what we need.” 

They headed down the next aisle, and came face to face with a wall of kitty litter. 

“Which one do we get?” Aziraphale eyed one of the 40-pound tubs. “We can’t possibly need that much, if we’re just fostering him.” 

“This one’s supposed to smell like lavender.” Crowley opened the lid, sniffed, and gagged. “That’s definitely not lavender. Chalk dust, more like it.”

“I suppose we could go with this one. It seems sensible.” Aziraphale picked up an unscented litter that was supposed to ‘lock in odors.’ “Why are there so many different types of litter boxes? It’s a glorified toilet, there doesn’t need to be options.”

“Have you seen some people’s toilets? They’ll decorate anything.” Crowley picked up a plain blue one and put it in the cart. “What’s next?”

“Bowls.” They went down the next aisle, and naturally there was a wide and colorful selection of cat bowls. “He’s not very big, so I don’t think he’ll need a big one.” Aziraphale picked up one that had two shallow dishes connected, with ‘FOOD’ and ‘WATER’ kindly labeled on the front. “I think this’ll do for now.” The cat rubbed its head on the bowl, and Aziraphale couldn’t help but smile. 

“She said we needed a carrier, didn’t she?” Crowley held up a soft cat carrier. “This should work.”

“Good, good. Now, all we need are toys, I think.” He walked down the next aisle and muttered, “Good Lord.”

There were hundreds of colorful cat toys filling the shelves. Plastic mice, balls with bells in them, feathers on strings, anything a cat could possibly want. 

“How on earth do we choose?”

“We don’t choose.” Crowley picked up the kitten. “We let him choose.” He held the cat up to the wall of toys. After a fair amount of deliberation, the kitten batted at a small mouse toy, advertised to have catnip inside of it. “He wants this one.”

“Works for me.” There was also a selection of cat beds, varying from relatively mundane to fantastically ornate. “Should we get him a bed? It might make him feel more at home in the bookshop, having somewhere to sleep.” 

“Good idea.”

Aziraphale picked out a brown one that matched the color of the shelves in his bookshop. “Ok, I think that about covers it. Now we just have to get him his shots, and he’ll be all ready.” 

The receptionist at the vet side of the store gave them a lengthy form, detailing everything that could possibly go wrong with their cat getting shots. But, on the last page, there was one line that neither of them had thought about yet. 

“What should we name him?” Asked Aziraphale. “You’re the one who found him, you should get to name him.”

Crowley picked up the little kitten and looked him deep in the eyes. “Trash Bag.”

“Trash Bag? What kind of a name is Trash Bag?”

“Well, if we aren’t even keeping him, then there’s no reason in giving him a name we’ll get attached to.” 

Aziraphale looked towards the cat sadly. “I suppose you’re right. It just feels wrong, somehow.”

“Fine, you name him, then, if you don’t like it.”

“No, no, it’s fine. Trash Bag it is.” He jotted it down on the form. 

————————

They returned to Aziraphale’s bookshop, Trash Bag now having all of his required shots. They set up all of the necessary cat items, before crashing on the couch. 

“Cats need a lot more things than fish do.” Aziraphale said, putting his arm around Crowley. “It feels like adopting a child.”

“Don’t get any ideas. We had enough trouble with the Antichrist already.” Burying his nose in Aziraphale’s hair, Crowley sighed. “Thank you for this. I mean it. You really are an angel.”

“I know, my dear. And you’re a rubbish demon.”

“Don’t rub it in.” 

Trash Bag the kitten jumped on top of the couch, meowing loudly. 

“Should I allow him on the couch? I know some people don’t let their pets onto their furniture.” Aziraphale asked. 

“This couch has seen worse things than a cat. And besides, I don’t think we could keep him off it if we tried. Can’t really train a cat.” Crowley reached up and scratched the cat behind the ears, to which Trash Bag responded by purring. “Good little cat, aren’t you, Trash Bag?”

Aziraphale smiled. “I love you.” 

“You’ll make me blush.” 

“I like it when you blush.” He kissed Crowley on the nose, causing Crowley to turn bright pink. 

“I love you too, angel. Even if that does make me a bad demon.” 

Aziraphale kissed him again, this time a proper kiss on the lips. He felt himself getting shifted, until he was on his back with Crowley on top of him. “My dear, are you sure you want to do this in front of the cat?”

“Do you really think the cat cares if we have sex in front of it?” Crowley muttered, as he kissed down Aziraphale’s neck. 

“I don’t know, it just feels, mmph, it feels weird having the cat in the room while we-“ Aziraphale moaned, interrupting his own sentiment. “Stop doing that! We’re having an argument.”

“You’re having an argument.” Crowley bit lightly on Aziraphale’s earlobe. “I just want to have sex.”

“Damn you and your temptations.” 

“It’s not a temptation if you started it.”

———————

“Ouch!”

Aziraphale yelped, being woken abruptly by a sharp paw batting at his nose. 

“Trash Bag, that’s not nice!” 

Trash Bag clearly did not care. He sat down on Aziraphale’s chest, and began grooming himself. 

“Mmph.” Crowley muttered from beside him. “Tell Trash Bag to go away.”

“He’s just curious, I suppose. This is all new to him.” Aziraphale patted Trash Bag on the head. 

“Yes, but I want to go back to sleep.”

“You don’t even need sleep.”

“I like my sleep. When I sleep, I’m never disappointed.” 

“Too bad. The little guy probably wants his breakfast.” Aziraphale stood, stretching. “Feel free to get up if you’d like some too.”

“Mmph.” 

As Aziraphale stepped into the other room, he was greeted by a mass of destruction. Papers and books were all over the floor, the coat rack had been knocked onto its side, and the little mouse toy was still laying nicely in the middle of the small brown cat bed. Sighing, Aziraphale miracled away the mess with a wave of his hand. 

“You know, you shouldn’t be doing that.” He said to the cat. He paused. “I’m talking to a cat. A cat who definitely won’t listen. Right.”

Thankfully, the kitchen was untouched, and so was his favorite mug. Setting the kettle on, Aziraphale browsed the fridge. He didn’t need to, he could just miracle something up, but that wasn’t the point. 

Crowley meandered into the kitchen, eyes still half closed, and sat his head atop Aziraphale’s shoulder. “There’s still enough time for us to go back to bed before we actually have to do things.”

“No. I’m already up, I’m not going back to bed.”

“That’s a rubbish way of looking at it.” Crowley wrapped his arms around Aziraphale. 

“I’m thinking French toast. Are you thinking that? Because I think that’ll be good.” As soon as Aziraphale closed the fridge, two plates of French toast appeared on the table. Cat food also appeared in Trash Bag’s dish, which the cat instantly ran up to and began eating. 

“Are you sure we can’t just keep him?” Crowley said through a mouthful of French toast. “I think we could handle a cat full-time.”

“When I went into the living room this morning, he had made quite a mess of the place. Frankly, I don’t know how neither of us heard the wanton destruction going on.”

“I think we were focused on other things. But really, what’s the big deal if we can just miracle away any messes?”

“I’ll know they were there.”

“I know, angel, but-“

“You really want this cat, don’t you?”

Crowley smiled bashfully. “Maybe I do. If you don’t want to keep him here, I can move him over to my place, though I’m not there often since most nights I spend here anyways.”

“No, we can keep him here. I’m fine with it.” Aziraphale took Crowley’s hand across the table. “But my dear, can we please choose a better name than Trash Bag?”

“And change his given Christian name? Absolutely not.”

“It’s hardly a Christian name, given a demon was the one to name him.”

Crowley shook his head. “I’m not changing it. Give him a nickname if you want, but he will forever be Trash Bag.”

As if he knew they were talking about him, Trash Bag jumped upon the table. He then began to bite a flower in a decorative vase that Aziraphale had put on the table a few days ago. Quickly, Aziraphale moved the flowers to the counter. “You need to stop doing that.” He said to the cat. 

Trash Bag meowed contently. 

“Aww, a naughty little boy.” Crowley said as he scratched Trash Bag under the chin. “Just like his daddy.” 

“He is a sweetheart, isn’t he?”

“Who, me or the cat?”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. “Both, I suppose. However, the cat does not talk back.”

**Author's Note:**

> I literally never write established relationship fics because I Love First Kisses but since these two are already pretty much married anyway then I felt like it worked better for the fic


End file.
